Empty-Nesting
I had always been excited at the prospect of "launching" my kid into the world (be it college or whatever) to begin his life. I'd also heard all the stories about how freeing it would be. About how
much time I'd have to myself and all the hobbies I would be able to do now that I didn't have school field trips and choir concerts and school plays to attend. It sounded pretty cool... until it wasn't.
During the month of his graduation, my kid informed me he would be moving a few hours away to live with his dad; a complete 180 degree turn from the plans we'd made together. So yes, I was shocked and very disappointed, but as he was turning 18, there wasn't much I could do.
So off he went. And there I was.
You know, one of the benefits of your kids leaving the nest is that you have more quiet time to reflect. It also happens to be one of the downsides. That summer was rough. My husband also happened to be working out of town, leaving me lots of time alone. I struggled with depression, and many days I would come home from work and cry to my dogs (and I swear they looked empathetic).
The hardest part is what nobody prepared me for: the crushing feeling that I just wasn't needed anymore. Nine months in my womb plus 18 years of feeding, nurturing, and protecting this person was just over. We're sorry ma'am, but your services are no longer needed. I didn't even get a severance check! That realization is painful. But it's also a lie. While we may not be needed in the same way as when our children were young, our adult children do need us. They need us to be OK. To be ok with letting them go to make a life of their own. It took me a while to get there, but I did.
It's not always easy, but the good news is that you will adjust. You will discover a new you - and new roles to fill. Believe it or not, after about a year went by, I found that I was enjoying having that extra time. It's now been almost 5 years and I actually tell people that I love being an empty-nester! Of course, I miss the old days from time to time (even the field trips), but I'm giving myself more of my time, which is something I never did.
Everyone deals with the situation differently, but I wish I had prepared myself for the potential depression beforehand. Do yourself a favor and find a book to help prepare you or speak to a counselor. There are also plenty of articles online with tips for coping like 5 Ways to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome.
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| photo credit: creativecommons.org |
During the month of his graduation, my kid informed me he would be moving a few hours away to live with his dad; a complete 180 degree turn from the plans we'd made together. So yes, I was shocked and very disappointed, but as he was turning 18, there wasn't much I could do.
So off he went. And there I was.
You know, one of the benefits of your kids leaving the nest is that you have more quiet time to reflect. It also happens to be one of the downsides. That summer was rough. My husband also happened to be working out of town, leaving me lots of time alone. I struggled with depression, and many days I would come home from work and cry to my dogs (and I swear they looked empathetic).
The hardest part is what nobody prepared me for: the crushing feeling that I just wasn't needed anymore. Nine months in my womb plus 18 years of feeding, nurturing, and protecting this person was just over. We're sorry ma'am, but your services are no longer needed. I didn't even get a severance check! That realization is painful. But it's also a lie. While we may not be needed in the same way as when our children were young, our adult children do need us. They need us to be OK. To be ok with letting them go to make a life of their own. It took me a while to get there, but I did.
It's not always easy, but the good news is that you will adjust. You will discover a new you - and new roles to fill. Believe it or not, after about a year went by, I found that I was enjoying having that extra time. It's now been almost 5 years and I actually tell people that I love being an empty-nester! Of course, I miss the old days from time to time (even the field trips), but I'm giving myself more of my time, which is something I never did.
Everyone deals with the situation differently, but I wish I had prepared myself for the potential depression beforehand. Do yourself a favor and find a book to help prepare you or speak to a counselor. There are also plenty of articles online with tips for coping like 5 Ways to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome.
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