Unhealthy Expectations

So, we've all heard about a certain college admissions scam. The one where parents bribed and lied and actually made up fake profiles to get their kids into desirable colleges. Pretty gross, right? And the worst part is not that my image of Lori Loughlin (Aunt Becky!) has forever been tarnished, but rather how she has hurt her daughters.  Apparently, her daughters didn't even want to go to college (oh the irony), but it was something that their parents wanted desperately.  If the news is to be believed, their parents wanted so badly for them to have that "college experience" that they were apparently willing to risk their careers, not to mention jail time.

The expectations they had for them (in this case, anyway) were so far from what the daughters wanted for themselves.  Now, I don't know this family, so I'm playing arm-chair psychologist here. But it seems to me that the parents let their expectations blind them to reality.  Maybe it was too hard for them to accept that their daughters didn't want to go to college? Maybe they dug in their heels, and simply wouldn't allow it to be any other way?  I can only guess what made them do what they did.

But that got me thinking of the times I've let expectations get in the way of my emotional well-being.  In the past, I've expected a lot of people.  From spouses, parents, friends, co-workers, etc. and I've often been disappointed (just as I'm sure I've disappointed others).  But the one person I've had the hardest time letting go of expectations of is my son.  Because we were so much alike when he was growing up, I figured (expected?) that it would always be that way.  I pictured us having all of these deep conversations about life, politics, and philosophy.  That he would be interested in everything I was (hey, I didn't say my expectations were realistic!).

Instead, he hates talking politics (like, with a passion) and is into leading Dungeons and Dragons games (does that make him a Dungeon Master? I have no idea!).  Unfortunately, that means that most of our conversations lately have been very awkward as we struggle to find something to talk about.  It was during one of these recent conversations that I realized my expectations were not being met, and when I got off the phone I was angry.  Really angry.  In reality, the anger I was feeling was really hurt and disappointment at the realization that I was not going to have these expectations met.

Then I remembered that every major moment of growth has come from me letting go of unhealthy expectations.  I also remembered how freeing it felt to give up certain expectations and just appreciate the person for who they are (good or bad).

So, that helps. And maybe picking up a copy of Dungeons and Dragons for Dummies would help, too.