A site for moms of all ages (with kids of all ages) to discuss, encourage and share helpful tips to get us through those mom-life interruptions.
Dear Kate...
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Took a big step today. I wrote a letter to my son and it was the first time I used his new name. I guess that's progress in the journey of acceptance, right?
Seems everyone is doing the Marie Kondo "Does it bring you joy?" method of decluttering. I read her book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing a few years ago and managed to get rid of a ton of clothes (6 garbage bags' worth!). Full disclosure: I may or may not have kept up the habit of organizing my drawers and folding shirts in that cool Kondo way. Back when I was a "perfect" mom - ha! As I get older, I find I have to declutter my mind as well as my physical space. Decluttering my mind often comes in the form of doing away with the negative self-talk. I swear that we moms are the hardest on ourselves. When I'm having a bad day, that negative inner voice starts reminding me of all the mistakes I made as a mother; of all the times I was selfish, or lost my cool, or didn't live up to my own expectations of being a perfect mother. If left unchecked, pretty soon my head is so full of the negativ...
I saw Tyler over Christmas (he lives in another state) and I knew I would cry when I did. Not only because I miss my kid, but because Tyler started the estrogen treatments last summer and I knew there might be some physical changes, as well as his wardrobe. I'm not going to lie - I did ask him to warn me if he was going to present fully as a woman so I could prepare myself. He agreed and arrived in a tone-down version of Katie. It was so good to see him, but so extremely painful. I noticed some physical changes, as well as the way he was dressed (which was more feminine). The only thing worse than trying to hold in a cry, is trying to do it in a house full of people. I was at my dad's house, with my sister, niece, nephew, etc. We were just sitting down to eat, and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to get myself together. Once the shock wore off, the rest of the day was great. If you look past the physical, he was the same kid we know...
“Is there something you need to tell me?” He said, “Yes, I’m transgender.” Those three words have changed my life forever. They also made things so clear. A distance had been growing between my son and I for a while. It started in May of 2014, when Tyler informed me that after graduation he was moving away to live near his dad, choosing not to attend a local community college as we had planned. The sudden decision (at least it appeared to be sudden) threw me for a loop and yes, I was mad. Why would he want to leave? I understood the desire to break away from your parents; having moved out myself when I was 19 years old. But we had made plans, and as far as I knew, he was good with them. Over the next few years Tyler would come home for visits, but there was still a distance between us. I just couldn’t pin point it, and spent a lot of time trying to figure it out. I finally chalked it up to the normal maturing process of separating oneself from their parents....
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